your thong is hanging out like whoa
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
