Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
