I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the condom got lost in my hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
