dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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