my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
