Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
