I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
