Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
