i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
