Is it because I queefed?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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