Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
