nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
