how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
