What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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