I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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