dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
