she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
