I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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