thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
