Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
