It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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