Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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