have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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