I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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