Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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