and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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