I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
