dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
