i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
