I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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