I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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