Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Alive.
So much puke
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
