fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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