Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
