So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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