shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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