then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
