my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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