It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
