i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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