I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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