hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize