I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
