I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
