Can Purell be used as lube?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
