It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
