Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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