I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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