We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
