I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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