i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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