the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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