I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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