Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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