I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
