If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
