He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
