Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
