oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
