so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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