Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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