why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
