I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
