I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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