yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
