What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
