I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I smell stomach acid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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