I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
