I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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