Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
