screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
