Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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