I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
