Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
