Midget sex pt 2 tonight
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
